Recap and Planning for Shabaan

Feeling very defeated …

Seeing how my prayers score on paper is really making me disheartened, especially since at some point I felt a spike in improvement, but then seem to have fallen back to the same threshold of mostly 1s all around …

Since Shabaan is officially beginning, I am going to work on having days that have no 1s at all, and reach level 3 at least once a day … I know it seems far off from where I am, but from my tracking so far, it seems that my biggest problem is just reminding myself to refocus. When I do, my prayer increases in emotional and spiritual engagement a lot! If I can just refocus more often, I think that I can gradually begin to see a spike in my scoring …

Further, one thing I have noticed is that I focus on my feelings of guilt and shortcomings, I immediately feel more connected in my prayer. It’s as though enlarging the things that usually make me want to run away from Allah, helps me to find Him. If I can remind myself to do this more often and can maintain the feelings for longer periods, it would also really improve my engagement in the prayer.

Oh Allah please help me make my prayer a solace for my heart …

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