Day 1 – Shabaan

Beginning a new record for Shabaan …

Fajir: 2

I was a lot more invested and engaged, especially when I reminded myself that I was aiming not to have any 1s today and thought about my shortcomings

Jumua: 1.5

Engaged during the recitation but got distracted by what’s going on around me

Asr: 1.5

Effectively refocused a couple times but did also get distracted. When I did refocus though I could get to a good point

Maghrib: 1ish

I think I did slightly better than 1 here because I reminded myself to refocus more often but even when I did I found it difficult to reengage emotionally/spiritually. It was like my brain was tired or didn’t want to try

Isha: 1.5

I did better than Maghrib but not quite as well as Asr at refocusing. I paid more attention to the recitation and was again more engaged but definitely felt like I had no stamina to get my head and heart in the prayer

 

… I noticed actually that as the day wore on, I was having a harder time keeping focus or reentering into the prayer wholly. Seems I don’t have enough spiritual stamina …

Recap and Planning for Shabaan

Feeling very defeated …

Seeing how my prayers score on paper is really making me disheartened, especially since at some point I felt a spike in improvement, but then seem to have fallen back to the same threshold of mostly 1s all around …

Since Shabaan is officially beginning, I am going to work on having days that have no 1s at all, and reach level 3 at least once a day … I know it seems far off from where I am, but from my tracking so far, it seems that my biggest problem is just reminding myself to refocus. When I do, my prayer increases in emotional and spiritual engagement a lot! If I can just refocus more often, I think that I can gradually begin to see a spike in my scoring …

Further, one thing I have noticed is that I focus on my feelings of guilt and shortcomings, I immediately feel more connected in my prayer. It’s as though enlarging the things that usually make me want to run away from Allah, helps me to find Him. If I can remind myself to do this more often and can maintain the feelings for longer periods, it would also really improve my engagement in the prayer.

Oh Allah please help me make my prayer a solace for my heart …

Day 26

Fajir: 1

Sleepy and distracted thoughts

Duhur: 1

Distracted by what’s going on around me

Asr: 1.5

Distracted thoughts mostly but attempted to refocus during the last rakaa and engage more actively

Maghrib: 1

Again distracted throughts

Isha: 1

Same even when I attempted to refocus and get my attention back in the prayer it was a halfhearted effort as my mind just buzzed off to something else instantly … 😦

Day 25

Fajir: 2

Focused more and emotionally engaged more

Duhur/Asr: 1.5

I was distracted and lost focus but I did feel myself able to connect more when I refocused

Maghrib/Isha: 1

Distracted thoughts and rushing through just to finish

Day 24

Fajir: 1

Mindless

Duhur: 2

Feeling emotional and seeking closeness more actively

Asr: 1

Rushing and distracted

Maghrib/Isha: 1.5

Emotionally connected at some point but predominantly distracted

Day 22

Fajir: 1

Mindless

Duhur: 1.5

Made more effort to refocus and emotionally engage

Asr: 1

Rushing

Maghrib: 1

Same but attempted to reconnect during the prayer

Isha: 1

Rushing again

Day 21

The next 5 days are recorded all together due to travel

Fajir: 1

Distracted

Duhur:/Asr 1.5

Also distracted but managed to reconnect

Maghrib/Isha: 1

Was sleepy and frazzled

Day 20

Fajir: 2

Was deeply engaged and felt spiritually connected but wasn’t able to maintain throughout the entire prayer

Jumua: 1.5

Focused during recitation but got distracted easily and often

Asr: 1

Rushing to finish

Maghrib: 1

Rushing to finish and distracted by what’s going on around me

Isha: 1.1

Mostly mindless but did check in and refocus at one point

Day 19

Fajir: 2

I missed prayer this morning so I was feeling very guilty. This made my prayer more emotional and focused but it was not necessarily a very good way to achieve this …

Duhur: 1

Very distracted by whats going on around me, although I remembered to refocus more

Asr: 1

Following wandering thoughts

Maghrib: 1.5

Managed to emotionally engage more, but not consistent and lost focus easily

Isha: 1.5

Same as maghrib